Girl or gold?

The latest advertisement for gold/diamond shows the birth of a baby (a girl I presume) and the next shot, the birth of a diamond or a diamond necklace! It ends up with a necklace worn by a beautiful girl with the tag “There is a diamond for every woman” . Wow! Are they giving it free?

Such advt may frighten the wits out of parents having a girl child. Why in the world do we associate girls with gold? Why do we let the media treat girls as a burden? In my opinion such adverts needs to be banned altogether specially in the backdrop of increasing female foeticide.

Let the girl child be looked upon as a normal child; not as a liability until she is flung into another’s home.

Let her be treated with dignity; not as an object to be adorned with gold and precious stones.

She is only a normal human being capable of looking after herself if you will let her be. Instead, you have a worrying father and later a brother only to transfer this gold or diamond from one bank locker to another. Look at her! How ridiculous she looks!

Then you have other adverts which implore you to invest monthly in these shops so that once your girl is grown, if nothing else, she will have bags of gold to catch a husband! Yes..it seems these husbands have only eyes for this gold and not the girl! But why should that matter? Hasn’t she been finally pushed from her home? The work of a lifetime! No wonder cowards and weaklings kill them before they are born!

Have listened to many advising me to buy gold since we have a girl. They have this frightening tone and you almost succumb to their fears. But luckily I have a hubby who continues to maintain that it is a dead investment. 

Let us invest in our girl in other ways. If someone worthy of her comes along, let him take her only for her and not for the gold!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JDQ1jV9tRU
http://funny-indian-pics.blogspot.com/2011/12/funny-indian-girl-wearing-tons-of-gold.html

Gender Equality and Marriage

I have always favored gender equality when there are many closely associated with me who believes that men are superior to women. It must be my upbringing or maybe the Indian/Hindu culture. I have realized over the years that men and women are equally vulnerable and each deserves no special treatment. A woman can be strong on her own without feigning weakness. When one talks about the empowerment of women, it should never be by making a man weak. Every society needs strong men and women. When men/women are made to be strong they are naturally inclined to help the weaker in the society. So I believe empowerment of women is not the only change we want in our society, we want the men and the women to be equally empowered so that they support each other.

The other day I stumbled upon a blog and Uma Challa who has taken this fight seriously. In addition to fighting for women she fights for the numerous men who are now abused under the various laws brought in the name of women. There are many causes that this organization is fighting to uphold the sanctity of marriage. It may not have been noticed by many regarding NCW’s (NATIONAL COMMISSION of WOMEN) recent proposal to amend Section 125 of Code of Criminal procedure (CrPC) to include women involved in live in relationships to be eligible for alimony. Now I do not have anything against men or women who do not want a marriage certificate but prefer to live-in, but I do believe that this right should not encroach upon those who have taken the marriage vows seriously.

Now coming to the religious text that I should be following as a Christian, and that I am sure many like quoting to make the woman shut her mouth, let me quote the following that I prefer to see.

Gal. 3:28: “There is neither Jew or Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

But for the present, let me be an opportunist and hold onto the Indian/ Hindu culture that I so love rather than my religion to emphasize gender equality.

This has been done beautifully by Uma Challa in her blog:

The inseparability of the male and female entities in the Universe was recognized by Indians as early as the Vedic times. This beautiful sentiment is manifested through the representation of Goddess Parvathi (Uma) and Lord Siva (Maheswara), known as “the parents of the Universe”, as UmaMaheswara or Ardhanareeswara (half-man, half-woman). This representation indicates that while both the female and male forms have their own individual identities and strengths, they are still interdependent. They complement each other and, it is only by combining their individual strengths that they are able to create and nurture life in the Universe. This divine couple is considered by Indians as an example to be emulated by all human beings.

Now I do not care if there are some Indian texts that say otherwise. But how absurd it is when everyone knows that there are certain things the man cannot do and vice verse. So I just cannot understand why it is difficult to accept that they are created in such a way that they are complementary to each other.

Now let me look at the meaning of complementing:

1- Completing part (something that completes or perfects something else)
2- One of two (either of two things that form a unit

Is it not beautiful and right? Something that completes or perfects something else and none is higher or lesser. Both entities are equally important to complete the relationship. And this is what I believe the institution of marriage, which ought to be the pillar of every society is all about.

Let me end this with a poem from Khalil Ghibran on marriage: Khalil has compared the man and woman to the oak and cypress trees or to the pillars of a temple. Now can anyone say which tree or pillar is superior?

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

Wolves and she wolves

Manoranjan’s comment prompted me to continue my previous post.

I agree this is a man’s world, but then I don’t blame just the man alone for all the troubles in this world! At least among the educated, when it becomes to abortion the woman has every say in it and if she refuses to agree, I am sure the man will leave her alone. I believe there may be no say for the women in case she is entirely dependent on the man and she is forced to undergo abortion. And this could be in majority. And then there could be cases where the woman herself wants an abortion even if the man does not agree to it.

And in case of dowry in some households it is the mother who is after it more than the father.

So education should be for one and all irrespective of the gender.

As for wolves, well.. I myself don’t have such a bleak view of this world and its inhabitants – mainly men. There are wolves and she wolves but at the same time there are “real men” who are strong enough to accept and appreciate the strength in a woman. It is only when men hopes to become the “man of the house” by default that trouble sets in a marriage. It is not as though women hate to be under her man but he should earn it as well. The adaptation that is being talked is just that and one can have a happy marriage instead of moments of happiness. And since we don’t have perfect men and women and since most of us don’t care to acknowledge our own weakness, one can’t blame the institution of marriage.

As for husbands protecting his wife from other wolves, I think we wives are quite capable of protecting ourselves, unless you want us to take a stroll all alone through the deadliest neighborhood.

This and that..

Indrani Ghose commented that we are back to slave trade and that brought to my mind the human trading that still exists in our modern civilization. The trading of grooms. Earlier it was the beauty of the girl that set the price but now the credentials of the bride doesn’t matter at all. Let her be beautiful, educated or whatever, only the groom matters. In Kerala, I think a Doctor (with specialization and not MBBS) still fetches the highest price. The only reason why some are willing to spend half a crore or more to secure admission to a medical college. But in the Middle East it works the other way round. The groom needs to pay for the bride which should bring solace to those in India!

The dowry system in India still remains the greatest evil to marriage. As it is, there is a growing hatred towards marriage from the current generation and some of them prefer to have live-in relationships instead. With the increase in income, they can afford to move out from their own family and live a life they deem is comfortable. I am not saying that marriage is all roses and honey, not when I sometimes feel like Jack the Ripper in my mind, ripping the head of you know who? But it is the best one for now, unless one believes that a planet like K-Pax really exists. I am sure some of you remember the movie starred by Kevin Spacey and Jeff Bridges. Prot, the man who claims to have come from K-Pax says that they don’t have marriages in K-Pax. They all belong to one big society or planet. One may father a child but it does not belong to him since the child will be brought up by everyone. It may sound great, but Prot himself points out that at K-Pax no one misses anyone. I guess marriage and later a family is all about looking out for each other. A baby sitting facility can never do the same job of a parent, how much strong the commitment is. In a family, you have your parents and your siblings to look out for you and care for you. You have that unique sense of belonging which only a family set up can give you. To get this and more if it requires a license from the society, then it is worth it. But the current society which includes me doesn’t have the patience to try out this system which has survived for centuries.

This also brings to my mind the growing impatience with child rearing. I know of many couples who have aborted their babies since they were either not ready or they have a first one and the second came sooner. They don’t mind spending their money on themselves but spending on their child becomes a burden.

Talking of abortion takes me yet again to female foeticide and I appreciate the effort done by Roop Rai at Unchaahi: the Unwanted .

Education is what we need against this evil.

Been Thinking of Marriage..

Marriages are indeed made in heaven! There is absolutely no doubt in this theory! Who other than the Almighty can find you the perfect match.

….someone who discovers your character faults.. (even u never knew it ever existed!)
….someone who compliments u for the best in u!
.. somone who makes u change u for the best or for the worst…

but then, if the marriage planned in heaven is to work on earth we have to be flexible and tolerant else it will go for a toss!